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I had to do it I had to do it. . .the thing I did so recently that made you think I didn't mean any of those things I said to you. That made you think my love for you, for your mind, for your and purity, was bullshit. I had to do it. Please understand. For months, you've ruled my mind, a despot, the black hole at the center of the . . .a massive gravity well always pulling me back to orbit around thoughts of you. When you changed your profile , I saved it to my phone, and I look at it every day. Every day. I can see YOU in that --I can see the you behind the walls. It hurts to look at that , I love you so much. Tenderness toward you overwhelms me. And my life--my turning inside out, upside down, ripping out at the seams, finally blooming life--has ground to a halt under the weight of my love and my longing for you. My longing to look with love into your bottomless blue eyes. . .to touch you. . .to feel your hand again in mine. I can't let myself drown in you, and you can't save me. I have to let you go. I have to let you go. So I had to do it. It doesn't mean I don't love you, and it doesn't mean I don't want to be your friend, someday, when I'm over you. I will always, always love you in my deepest heart. I'm proud of my love for you. It comes from a pure place in me to a pure place in you. I didn't know I was capable of loving someone the way I love you. Maybe once, long ago in primordial . . .. To me, you light up the world. But I have to let you go. I am letting you go. So let me tell you what my love is before I must let it go with along with you and your incandescent heart. Oh god, it hurts to think of you, to think of your brown skin and clear blue eyes. Your eyes hold me, they crucify me. Does that make me your savior? Or is it the other way around? A conflagration. That is what my love for you is and I burn in it... But fire is transformation, a release of energy--heat. Sunlight stored in the branch freed, refined, like nectar into honey. My love for you is water, cold and sweet, moving through the earth to fill the well, always renewing itself. My love is the rich brown earth itself, sprouting with tenderness and dreams of a future with you. And, of course, my love is the air, breath of life on my skin, and a longing like wind in the distant . The ancient elements. If I were going to be about it, I might instead say, I love you like , One electron, One proton. You and me. My love is like helium, noble and lighter than air. . .and all the way, down. . .my love for you is like , heavy in my heart and explosive. In my heart I you my darling, and I you beloved. I you my True Love and I don't care if that makes me a fool. I itch to contact you, it's a crawling feeling under my skin that tells me I need you, I need to touch you, I need to kiss you. I need to love you. And, god, I need to you to love me. I am such a strange person, my love, coming out all through my edges. And I don't know if you can understand my metaphors, or if I sound like a crazy person. Of course, if you believe in the DSM, I am a crazy person. I want you to know that I regret all the unkind things I've said to you and none of the kind ones. You are to me. Special. You always will be, as long as I live. I'm sorry. In Search of something REAL S4F. I had to do it. I love you. But I have to save myself. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you.
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I like that you try to work through the issues, have gone to counseling, seek advice, etc. I wonder why the counselor thought you are all good, if your hubby only exerts effort for about a week at a time. One book helped me view relationships differently, The 5 Languages. I you'll read it, and determine if perhaps he is showing to you in ways that maybe you are not picking up on? If your guy isn't affectionate, and doesn't celebrate simple things like an anniversary or VDay, then it might be hard for you to feel loved. Your husband's comment that he can't do anything right is a tactic to shut down the conversation. After all, if he decides he can't get it right, then he doesn't need to try at all, right? Wrong, he's avoiding the conversation as if you do not have needs. So one more book, How we by Yerkovich describes different types of people who end up together, and things like dealing with a passive person. Looking for Now in the Tyrone Area. Sexy, Uninhibited Woman Wanted. Good luck trying to work through this, L